You can make your own decisions.

I believe in god. And I love going to church and being in the christan faith, it means the world to me. My boyfriend thinks that because I haven't always been this way that I'm changing and making him change. Which isn't true I do what I do and he does what he does. He isn't involved in it at all. But when I feel weird about sex now because I sined and god is disipling me it makes me just turned off and I'm just not into it. But when my boyfriend and I got into a fight over it, it was like our whole relationship was about sex and now I really don't know about us. He already said that its weird to look at me now so he pretty much said it loud and clear. Plus he said that I don't care or love him. I had enough I couldn't handle it. I thought that it was done for us but now he is texting  me saying that were not cause of whatever. But I will never change back for anyone. I love God and he is LORD of my life and I wont let someone ruin that.. Ever.

Related. But Not Sisters.

I want my sister back. Even though we never had the perfect relationship we still knew how to have a good time. We used to do the weirdest thing together and always have a good time. Yes we had our fights and some were worse then others but we still could makeup but now its like we can't. We both live with two different parents and don't talk to eachother at school. Whenever I'm at my dads we never talk and its always awkward when I'm hear cause I feel like the old one out. I had only been here once for dinner and we all hung out and had a good time and the next time was my first time here sleeping over and we had a blast, we stayed up all night and made funny videos. But then once I started seeing her stauts and it looked like she had something going on I go worried and told my mom. I didn't say anything other then that I was worried about her and wanted to talk to her about it but we never had the type of relationship that heart to hearts would happen. I mean I told her a lot about my life and I told her somethings that not even my friends know about I even told her that I has lost my v-card to my boyfriend before I told my parents. But when it came to her she said nothing ever happened in her life and nothing was intrested. I got the short end of the stick. If I could have our relationship back I would love it even if I was the only one telling her stuff it would be a start. It would mean something. It makes me cry all the time that I don't have someone to fall back on other then my mom. Its just the way my life is. I really do hope that we can actually have a good relationship in tthe future and she will understand that I really do care about her. I want her to know that she can trust me and tell me anything and I wont tell a soul. I feel she is under the devil right now and I want to pull her out. Everyone tells me that we will have a relationship in the future and my sister will see that she is being dumb. And will come around all I can do is pray to god that she see's that my mom and I love her and want the best for her every day. Its hard to see my life without her I wish we could do things like sisters do like go get our nails done but that is just going to have to wait until later for us. One day it will happen but for right now the ball is in her court and I will be waiting off side until she needs me to help her play.

This Weekend

So this weekend I'm spending time at my dads. Uusally its a chill weekend for me here and I can just get off with doing nothing, haning out with my sisters and dad and just enjoy it. But since my sister isn't talking to me (wants nothing to do with me.) Its very awkward, theres a lot of tension in the room when we are all together. So I like to advoid it as much as possiable. I'm planing tomorrow to go and get my nails done, spend as much time as I can with my grand parents and then when we have to come back to my dads. My sister only leaves her room when I'm gone so I guess I would be doing her a favor... I don't know. All I can say is I hope this weekend goes good. Keep em' crossed.

Connor 'Con Con' Crosland

Makes my day! :)

&

Tyler 'Tiger' Neale
Is an amazing bud! :)

You put me through a guilt trip so I will forgive you. Is that the way your suppose to treat your girlfriend. Yes I care about school and I'm going to do anything for my education that doesn't mean you have to talk shit to my friends and say that I only care about school and not you. Right now I'm beyonded pissed off.

Bad Mood

So all I want if for somone to care about how I feel. I don't ask for a lot just to be respected and don't go behind my back. You know I hate drugs more than anything and know that I've grown up around it and its the reason my life has been so hard at times, but does that mean anything to you? You say you forgot you had class when you walked me to mine and ours is right beside eachother. I wouldn't care as much if you were doing work you need to do to pass. But when you say your going to hang out with me at lunch and you come back late high. I know that you didn't forget. All the time you tell me how sorry you are and how you are going to change how much you do it and each time I believe you but nothing ever changes. Its the same thing every time. & I keep forgive you. You can't say one thing to my face and do another behind my back. It hurts me more than you know, to have to look in your eyes and all I see is red and when you talk it all sounds the same and I don't understand. I'm tired of this and no matter how hard I try it doesn't make a difference. I just wish you could actually try wait not scatch that don't try just do. I know it may be hard but you will start to see less of me if it doesn't stop because you know that I don't like being around you when your life that. So please, you don't have to do it for me even though you should. But if you could just do it for our relationship.

Hmmm... so today I found out who my true friends are. People who say there your friend and say you can trust them with the world. Do a back ground check on them because half the time they will end up stabbing you in the back. Lovely.